Final Leg of the AVS tour: NSW!

Well we learnt a lot on this portion of the tour... we learnt that 6 gigs in 5 days is pushing it; that fate does not approve of mark taking photos of women's breasts; that simon can shower and still be dirty; we learnt that the only certainty at a toga party is that other people's clothes will be stolen; and personally I learnt that food poisoning is no laughing matter and I should have not eaten those sandwiches in Bathurst. I mentioned all these things because they had to be mentioned but decency and professionalism stopped me from writing anything more about them.

This leg was a little different from the rest of the tour in that we drove it all. We(read: mostly I) hired a 12 seater and drove from Melbourne to Canberra, Bathurst, Sydney, Newcastle, Woolongong and back to Melbourne. The only joy from such automotive endurance derived from the stopover there and back at my favorite service station food complex: Gundagai... I think that when I finally lose it all and go AWOL, I'll be found wearing nothing but a pair of overalls and thongs, mopping the floors of the heaven that is Gundagai BP/KFC/Subway... to the amusement and aggravation of my fellow bandmembers, I find the place to have some type of unnameable appeal... I wouldn't be surprised to find, in some Lovecraft-ian twist, that Gundagai is where the wall between realities is at its thinnest and the old ones are sleeping just underneath. You'll see, you'll all see.

Anyway brief summary of this leg is as follows:

Canberra - Played at ANU Bar. The night went off. Was lots of fun. etc etc we stayed at our manager's sister's place and their cats were awesome. Burmese they were. Like little bricks wrapped in velvet.

Bathurst - Played at the CSU Uni Bar where they were having some type of toga themed party. The night was replete with excessively drunk and excessively young folk sticking their hands up each other's bedsheets. This alone may have made me violently ill that night... or those sandwiches. We spent almost the entirety of the next day on our hotel balcony overlooking Bathurst's main drag. We saw a lot of cleavage, pidgeons and a duck in the park that would approach strangers for food. Despite me exploding from both ends the night before, it was a good day.

Sydney - Well we played at the Oxford Arts Factory. Twice. The first show in the evening was to the average assortment of punters and was nice and arty and hot and fun. The second gig the following afternoon was to a mess of underagers and was probably even better. I remember seeing Marto switch into Wiggles mode as he enthralled a bevy of 15yr old girls with his antics. Very funny and slightly pathetic! Would have loved to have stayed and lapped up the idolation and adulation but we had to heap everything into the van and speed off to...

Newcastle - Trepidation occured as we loaded in, because this was the venue that the last time we came to (for the Grooving the Moo Maitland afterparty), Marto was ejected from by the bouncers for giving some much deserved attitude to the barmen. Funnily enough the same security were on and one of them in particular seemed quite fascinated with our dear dj... anyway we played the gig fine... or so we though... up until the last three songs when BANG! the whole place goes dark... somehow the sound system had blown the power to most of the venue... it was a very interesting moment as we slinked off stage and hoped it could be fixed promptly. We were able to go back on and smash out two more songs and were quite happy that the punters were pacified by our return. Went back to the unit we'd hired and got told off repeatedly by the people staying in the front unit, thanks to marto's complete inability to talk softer than 60db... especially when drunk.

Woolongong - Played at Waves... a massive venue attached to a pub/pokies emporium opposite a caravan park where we were staying. Did I say the venue was massive? By this point we all were well drained... Mark could hardly talk onstage..."Hey [pause - struggling for name of town] p-people! We've play with BAND Art Vs Science for the MONTH!" That was actually how he started the set. Very funny. Anyway, we struggled through and even got a punter evicted for sneaking into the bandroom and stealing booze. Went back to caravan park and chilled with AVS throughout the night reminiscing on what was a lovely month.

South Australia portion of the Tour

We rounded up the penultimate leg with a gig on Hindley St, Adelaide, at the Jive Bar. An impressively retro joint; it was another affair with a balcony overlooking the stage. The first band, The Kill Girls, hammered out such a loud set, we were worried the PA would be blown before we could get on stage. A surprise appearance backstage by MC Suffa from Hilltop Hoods bolstered our confidence before we stepped on stage, and we smashed out a nice and rudely loud set. The crowd was an appreciative blend of scenesters, hipsters and Adelaide Footballers; lending an agitated energy to the room that just went off by mid-set. It was great to have so much fun but a little sad to realise how close we were to the tour ending and real life re-commencing.

So here we are on our way back to Melbourne. We’ve got 4 days off to prepare for the NSW leg and I’ve got to warn anyone expecting us in Canberra, Bathurst, Sydney, Newcastle or Woolongong that we are using this preparation time wisely. Look out, here we come!

WA leg of the AVS tour!

None of us had been to Fremantle before. It was worth the wait. Special props go to our old friend Josh who put us up for two nights…

Sorry, Josh, that we ate you out of house and home, that we forced your girlfriend to sleep elsewhere for two nights, and I personally apologise for body-slamming your air mattress; punching a hole in it the size of a cantaloupe. Yes, Josh, I’m finally admitting it was all me! Also, sorry for bringing everyone back to the apartment after the Fremantle gig for Jelly Bean fights, Mount Gay Rum and Charades until 8 in the morning.

Anyway, the following night in Perth at the Amplifier bar was just as fun even though we didn’t bring any hordes home afterwards. The place was insanely packed with bon-vivants and as we chilled after our set downstairs, the floor and support beams hold up the dancefloor were bending and flexing with every beat of every AVS song. It was the first time I’d ever seen a whole room full of people jumping in time for 45 minutes; let alone sitting perilously underneath them chatting nervously to the first band, The Voltaire Twins, who were excellent sports, it must be said. The fallout for the night was a dancefloor that looked like it had lost a war

Queensland Leg

Queensland welcomed us with sunny skies and sunnier personalities from the locals. Despite the first gig of this leg actually occurring in Coff’s Harbour NSW, this entire part of the tour definitely had the Queensland feel to it. Now none of us in HINY are braggers, we swear; but we had a real party during the Coff’s Harbour show. Together with the support band, Elke, and Art Vs Science, we drank 5 slabs of beer, 3 bottles of vodka, 2 bottles of tequila, 2 bottles of whiskey and god knows what else.
Needless to say, thanks to the generous patronage of the The Plantation Hotel we all had an amazing night. One punter’s comment still resonates, “I don’t know much about music… I just kill people I don’t like for money, I’m in the army, you see… but that was a good gig!” Brisbane was quite brilliant too, with the Zoo proving to be one of the best live venues in Australia. Mark and I snuck away after our set for a late night slurpee and discovered the rest of Brisbane was partying just as hard as us. It’s an amazing city that really seems to value its nightlife and the artists it attracts. At Noosa, we enjoyed the accommodation as much as the town’s insane roundabouts. Even our GPS struggled. Thank god for spa baths! They really helped take the edge off performing so regularly. The spa at the Gold Coast hotel was great too but nowhere near as special as the Neverever Bar that we played at that night. It was like a dream. A long narrow bar with the stage at one end and an upper level looking directly over the stage, the place was filled to capacity and the air conditioning had broken two weeks prior: we played in a heady stupor of sweat and sound whilst a teeming mass of bodies heaved to and fro to the beat. It was a phenomenal scene and at this point, all members of the band agree, it was the highlight of the trip.

Victorian Leg

The Victorian leg was our next chance to fly the Hercules in NY banner. Supported for the run by co-Melbournites Foxx on Fire, we followed AVS to Ballarat, Geelong, two Melbourne Gigs and Mt. Buller. Having the home ground advantage, we kept the rock-star life to a minimum as we returned home to our loved ones after each gig but the usual HINY absurdity manifested itself. In Ballarat, after soundchecking at the Korova bar, Mark and I went and bought arguably the worst Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy ever but only after the poor toilet facilities forced me to break into a neighbouring construction site to use the port-a-potty provided. Simon spiced up his afternoon before the gig at the East Brunswick Club by teaming up with the AVS boys and trying on a few choice selections at a neighbouring costume shop. I wish I could show you pictures, but the shop owner hit the roof, the minute the camera phones were whipped out. Apparently her designs are trademarked and the costume counterfeiters of the world were eager to get their hands on her latest prototypes. This of course paled in comparison to the insanity of the Mt Buller gig. Being on a Ministry of Sound bill was exciting enough,
but as we careened up the mountain in an old 18-seater that was tipping over on the sharper turns, we suspected it would be an interesting night ahead. From the cage that soundman Drew had to work in,
to arguably the best band room ever (complete with bar, buck-hunter and NBA jam arcade machines and a central fireplace), and the eager beavers breaking into the venue THROUGH THE ROOF, it was a surreal experience that culminated in both HINY and AVS having a dance-off during Miami Horror’s DJ Set. Let’s just say the punters were impressed.